Once upon a time, I saw a man who looked lonely and empty of true love. I thought he was handsome and I felt that if we met we could love each other.
It was not love at first sight, it was not a shock of energy and seduction. It was just a quiet sense of belonging, the view of his heart across his eyes.
He was not always on my mind but I would pay attention every time I heard his name. I wanted to know about him.
He would not see me, he would not realize I was around. May be, I was not beautiful enough for him, then his heart was not worth the effort.
I had the idea that if I kept thinking about him, one day, he would talk to me.
But one day, he moved to another city, very far away. It was said that he went there to meet the woman he loved. I felt sad, not only because he was going to be out of reach, but because I was sure he was not in love and he was meeting the wrong person.
How could I be so sure? How could I expect him to come back sooner or later?
He never caused me sorrow or pain, he does not right now.
But I was surprised indeed when I keept hearing about him and I was amazed by my thoughts when he was in town for a while. I felt I had to tell him, he was wasting his time, and I felt disappointed because he could not see me yet. I did not talk to him, neither looked into his eyes.
It's been a long time and now after some months, he is back again.
Work has been the perfect excuse and it has given us the chance to meet and talk.
It seems he has noticed me, he has even asked me out and he has said it would be good to talk and get to know each other better.
After we talked on the phone I smiled, I laughed. I told myself: "Hey girl, you did it", "You were right from the very beginning":
I'm not going out, I'm not talking to him face to face. I'm writing these lines, instead.
I wonder what the trick is.
At this very moment I'm being stupid and I don't trust myself.
No doubt, I'm afraid of being hurt again.
Soledad Lorena / Susana
June 12th, 2008