Every now and then I surf the whole internet searching for your name, you are not on social networks, and you are totally out of reach. You seem to live locked in your own world which has no windows but gates for business people and standard social contacts.
I hear from so many people I do not want to know a thing. But that old spell seems to be so strong that your name is forbidden in my sky.
I wonder, if I wrote a letter, if I took a bus, if I phoned your office… I know the answer, you would pretend you do not even remember me; you would talk to me as a total stranger.
Nevertheless, I can fly and I can swim around the high walls. I know your heart is frozen, I can even say your body is petrified like an ancient wood. You even look older than you really are and you do feel old but so self confident that you believe you need nothing else, you think you have everything you can think of. You do not realize how empty your heart can be.
Just one sigh, just one beat and you would notice how long you have spent without actually living, feeling and loving. It was so long ago that your soul went to sleep that you do not miss it anymore.
I still dream, just out of curiosity you come and knock on my door, just for fun you search for my name on every possible net. I still expect that chance we never had. I still believe everything would have been so different and less painful if you had been the one.
But what it was it’s already gone and there’s no way to make a change. And this is what it is.
Once in a blue moon I allow myself to love you, I let myself miss you so much that it hurts. Once in a blue moon my tears are written with your name.
Once in a blue moon, I realize there is still too much to forgive and yet to forget.
I have one special wish before I die: a special moment, a quiet talk, truth naked and my heart beating at the pace of your eyes.
Soledad Lorena
3 de September de 2012
There is only one thing I regret in my life, having burnt all the precious gifts you left me. I would kill myself for touching them once again.
